There is an unexpected consequence (at least to me) of the current divisiveness in the country. I find that people are meaner and more inconsiderate to an extent that is making me increasingly uncomfortable when out and around.
Driving
- As I was driving down a side street going no more than 25 miles an hour, a car on the street intersecting mine drove past the stop sign (I did not have a stop sign). Not knowing if she was intending to stop, I slowed and gave a short blast of my horn. She did ultimately stop – a few feet into my street, and tooted her horn as I passed and gave me the one-finger salute. Have a nice day, Karen – apparently, I did not show the appropriate obeisance when it looked like you were going to hit me.
- In a crowded parking lot, my car was blocked by a car unloading an elderly person. I walked over to see if I could help and as I did, the car behind her car tooted their horn in frustration without any thought of the elderly person using the rolling walker. And, oh yes, the offender was driving a Bentley. Unless you are bleeding, I see no reason to be in that much of a rush no matter how much you paid for your car (the Bentley base model starts at $197,000).
Walking
- Out for a walk and yes, it was in a heavily trafficked area. Here comes a family of five walking towards us in a line taking up almost all to the width of the sidewalk. My wife and I stopped and moved to the curb side. The family passed by, having neither altered the space they were occupying nor providing a thank you or nod of appreciation for our moving to enable them to hog the sidewalk.
- Given a few close calls when out walking, I now deliberately wait for visible signs that cars are slowing down at crosswalks – even after pushing the button turning on the flashing lights. Whether they are lost in their own thoughts or whether they really don’t give a shit about my life is a topic of debate. However, the fact that my hesitancy is now required behavior is undeniable.
Shopping
- Apparently, it is now commonly accepted to leave your shopping cart in the middle of the aisle while looking for something. This is particularly true if the store is crowded. I have taken to gently moving a parked cart to a more appropriate location by nudging it along with my cart. The reaction is just what you would expect from the overly privileged. (Admittedly, I have been guilty of this same inconsiderate behavior in the past, but I have seen the error of my ways and strive to be a better grocery shopping citizen.)
- Along those same lines, it also appears okay to simply deposit the item you decided you did not want on any shelf you are near when you make the decision. I have seen items that belong in the freezer section on top of cans of soup.
Common Discourse
- On the phone (in a crowd where many people can hear you) or in social media posts, it has become perfectly normal to disparage people at every opportunity. Now, as a guy who is known for his occasional use of four-letter (and longer) Anglo-Saxon epithets, you would think I am somewhat inured to such things. As you know, I am a big fan of Anglo-Saxon epithets. Used effectively, they can add emphasis and humor to many situations. But applying them in a personal matter is a very different thing. There are, as a referee or a judge would tell you, “magic words.” Those words can start a donnybrook in a hockey or basketball game, get one punched out at a bar, ballgame, or social event, and will land you in jail on a contempt of court charge. We all know these words. However, when I encounter posts referring to others as “lib-tard,” “genocide supporter”, “murderer,” and the like along with the typical outbursts of asshole, dumb ass, that escalate into “go fuck yourself” and beyond. All this because one disagrees with another.
- I have overheard this language and attitude in other peoples’ conversations while waiting in the Doctors’ Office, On an airplane, in a restaurant, and while sitting in the gate area of an airport, not to mention while walking on the sidewalk, waiting in line at checkout, and while getting my haircut. I suppose that a) everyone on a cell phone believes that they are whispering, b) they want everyone around them to know about their latest biopsy, or c) we live in a society where most people have put paid to the mannerisms of common courtesy or some combination of all three.
Beyond the name calling and ugly language, the truth is that I really do not care to hear your conversation. I literally could not care less.
Driving, walking, shopping, and social media name calling are relatively gentle examples. However, the rising number of road rage incidents, swatting incidents, defacing public and private property (not to mention trying to burn down the Governor’s house) indicate that our interactions are becoming less and less nuanced and more and more confrontational, accusatory, and more vicious. And, worst, because of this coarsening of language, attitude, and behavior, we are becoming less caring and less tolerant.
I am a firm proponent of the proverb “A fish rots from the head down ” meaning, of course that if there is a problem it usually starts at the top rank, i.e., with the leadership or those in charge. In other words, when things go wrong, it’s often because the people at the top aren’t doing their job properly.
I also believe that leadership in any organization sets the tone for what is appropriate.
Which brings me to this: our current leaders, starting with the President, Vice-President, and Shadow President, much of the cabinet and a fair portion of our elected Federal officials revel in coarse language and coarse behavior and I do not mean just Republicans. Our current crop of leaders display a startling lack of courtesy, a breath-taking amount of misogyny, and an utter disregard for anyone who is not like-minded, and are living examples of the Dunning-Kruger effect.
It abundantly clear that they are doing many things that are just plain wrong and that are having significant negative effects on many Americans. And they do not care. Being vapid, stupid, greedy, and vengeful is one thing, but when one regresses past the ability of caring about others, there is another word for it: psychopaths (or sociopaths if you prefer).
I do not expect this to change until the 2026 elections, or the 2028 elections, if then. Recovering from this will take great effort.
Adult Language Is Possible 